Darling

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out. I'm sorry that I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be there for you because you left me and I need to be here for myself now. I'm sorry I didn't know what to do.
I'm afraid I might have to go back to her. The girl I was when we met. She was so easy to be. Mischievous Conniving, devilish, and perfectly safe.
I love you, but no, you never asked me to stay strong. So no I wont because you know what, its easy and I'm into things that are easy and get shit done. I was so good at fighting. Fighting for me, fighting for us but no. I'm not going to fight to feel this pain. I'm not going to fight myself if its not a battle I'll win. I crave her so bad. I crave pain killers and anti-depressants. I want to smile. I want to breathe and live and I've been good for so long. So. Damn. Long.
I don't want to lose you. Its the last thing I want. God I don't want it. It's not like you ever fucking appreciated me giving her up. Never once did you realize how much I cut back, how far away from her I had gotten. Did you even care, or was it not enough because I wasn't sober?